In the midst of Corona virus and quarantine, it's easy to focus on what we are missing and all the events that are now cancelled.  In our small groups, we have been focusing on what is not cancelled...

• Hope is not cancelled
• Family dinner is not cancelled
• Joy is not cancelled, etc

Focusing on what we have is important during this time when we are feeling disconnected and deprived of our regular routines and activities.  

It's good to see what is still here.  Let's take this line of thinking one more step in that positive direction.

All of our good things that are not cancelled are more than just "not cancelled."

• Hope is alive
• Family dinners are happening daily
• Joy is alive
• Conversations are ongoing
• Friendships are alive
• Love is alive
• Spirituality is alive
• Laughter is ongoing
• God's church is living and active
• Self-care is on-going
• Reading is still an adventure
• Learning is occurring, etc

Positive things are all around us even when we feel deprived and isolated.  As we are forced to slow down and stop the busyness of our regular routines, let's focus on the positives around us.  What can we see now in this quieter time that we couldn't see when we were running our daily race?  What opportunities are before us to embrace-if only for a short time?

I've said many time that I have so much to do that I could spend two weeks uninterrupted working on my house or in my office-I just might have that time soon.  Now that it's upon me, maybe I'll take the time to get some projects done, but maybe I'll choose to enjoy more family game time or cooking together, or catching up on all those old movies I've wanted to show my daughter.  Maybe we can laugh and talk for hours without worrying about the schedule and schoolwork being done before the next day.  

Maybe this is a world-wide pandemic that will hurt us all-or maybe it's a gift of time and space so that we can appreciate the positive parts of life that never go away.

In the comments, reply with positives you see in your life right now to help us all focus on the light in the darkness.

Belaire Counseling Services remains open at this time if you need an appointment.  We will be taking everything day by day, and some form of communication will be available throughout this quarantine.  225-291-1335, [email protected]

Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks for our blessings and celebrating with family and friends. Thanksgiving can also be a difficult time for people who have lost loved ones to death or divorce or who have suffered trauma.  

As we gather together this week and give thanks, remember the people who are lonely and hurting. Holidays are a good time to reach out and show our love for others.  A kind word or an invitation can help lift someone's spirit and help them not feel lonely during the holidays.  

If you are struggling during this time or know someone who is suffering, Dr. Belaire can help.  See how Dr. Belaire can help at www.BelaireCounseling.com.  To schedule and appointment call 225-291-1335.

I love the movie Shawshank Redemption.  Andy’s journey through a horrific experience displays his strength of character, his determination to control his own destiny, and his persistence to create his own choices. 

Andy is dealt blow after blow of unjust, cruel circumstances and punishments.  Whether he does everything right or everything wrong, he is dealt another devastating blow.  I think what we like about Andy is that he did not let the situation define him.  He remained true to himself even in the face of evil, corruption, and unjustness.  He is the ideal that we want for ourselves.  We want to survive.  We want to make it through with our character intact.

So how did he do it?  The short answer: 
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             "Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of **** smelling foulness I can't even                   imagine, or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football                  fields, just shy of half a mile." Red

               https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SheaMMd8H5g
 
Andy’s journey ends with crawling through the sewer, but it begins long before that event.  Andy was determined to not allow his circumstances rule his ultimate end.  He planned for years.  He worked slowly, diligently at his plans until the time was right.  Twenty years he planned…worked…waited.  Twenty years he endured the harshest of conditions and corruption before he could see the end.

We sometimes feel like Andy during the twenty years.  We are suffering.  We are hurting.  We can’t see the end.  We feel as if each blow will take us out, and we can’t imagine a way out much less envision the freedom. 

Let’s look at what Andy did for those twenty years to help him survive:

1. Andy made friends.  He created a support system to help him cope.
2. Andy created purpose in the depths.  The library and teaching were purpose in his life even though he was in a miserable place.
3. Andy worked on his plan slowly over the years and adapted when needed.  He got the rock hammer and posters early in his time and walked the dirt out day after day.  He changed posters over the years and adapted.
4. Andy rebelled some.  When he played the music over the speakers, he savored his minutes of choice knowing the consequences would be severe.  He made the choice.
5. Andy stood up for himself even though it was fruitless.  He approached the warden about his innocence and stood up for his rights.  His punishment was beyond severe, but it helped him know his resolve and plan his escape.
6. Andy took advantage of opportunity.  When he saw an opportunity, he took it.  He talked to the guard about finances, which was a huge risk.  He waited for the right opportunity to make the switch with the books and took action.
7. Andy saw the goal.  He never let go of the goal to get out.  Brooks let go of the goal and gave in to the situation, and he did not survive it.  Andy kept the dream alive even if his plans were altered or postponed in the moment.
8. Andy persevered.  He did not give up.  When he met with resistance (warden) or success (books for library) he continued to work and push.  In the moments of success, it is easy to keep going.  It is in the defeat that we want to give up.  When we are beat in the play, it is hard to remember the game.  Andy let the defeats spur him to win the game in the long run.
9. Andy made it through the sewer.  He did not give up.  Often, the last part of the journey is the hardest.  He had to endure the worst to get out.  We often say, “It gets worse before it gets better.”  Andy was willing to take the worst in order to have freedom.

Every part of Andy’s journey was hard-from an innocent man entering prison; enduring abuse and corruption; being punished for any offense or for no offense; and crawling through 500 yards of sewer. 

Our journeys are hard too.  Depression, anxiety, grief, eating disorders, and life obstacles make our journeys difficult to navigate.  They weigh us down and take our focus off of the end-the freedom.  These issues are not our final destination.  They are obstacles that we endure and overcome to reach our goals.  Although the journey at times feels impossible, we will finish.  We can use Andy’s example to help us make it through our own journey – to have the strength to endure.

One aspect that I think the movie leaves out, at least for the Christian, is reliance on God to help us through the journey.  I admit that I don’t always understand why we have to suffer through the journey, and maybe there is not a reason why except that we live in a fallen world where evil reigns.  Faith in God does not bring a life without pain or obstacles.  Faith in God brings support from God and hope for escape from this world.  God offers peace in this world and certainty of a world beyond.

Some scriptures that resonate with me on the journey and peace are:

           Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They                 are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23
 
           For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I               will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
 
           The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11
 
Whatever journey you are on, there is a positive end.  You may be in the beginning of that journey where the end is unimaginable, or in the middle where you are bogged down with all of the pain and anxiety and sadness.  You may be nearing the end where it could get worse before it gets better.  No matter where you are on the journey, hold on to the goal and work your way through it.  You can survive it and get to your freedom.
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If you are already on the other side of an epic journey, reach out to those people still in the journey.  Help them.  Be their hope - their support so that they too can join you.  I love that Andy also planned for Red.  He loved his friend and wanted his friend to share his same freedom and reward.  

The girl in this picture is what we typically envision when we think of depression.  However, depression is so much more than just feeling sad.  It is a complex issue that may or may not look like sadness all the time.

“She can’t really be depressed; she isn’t crying all the time.”  Have you ever heard that statement or felt invisible because people don’t understand what you are dealing with every day? 
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A common misconception of depression is that we must look sad or cry all the time to be depressed- If we have happy moments, then we can’t be depressed.  Many people do not understand depression, which can lead to someone with depression feeling isolated and hurt even more because his or her illness is not recognized or validated by other people. 

Invisible illnesses are difficult to live with because the effects of the illness cannot be seen by other people and are often dismissed as invalid or seen as a figment of the person’s imagination.  The pain is inside rather than outside. 
 
“It’s a very lonely feeling because you’re hurting and yet people can’t see it so you’re battling it alone.  I would desperately want someone to reach out and notice that I was struggling, but it was like that part of me was invisible.”  Sophia (age 29)
 
The main symptom of depression is characterized by at least one of the following every day or nearly every day for at least two weeks:

• Depressed mood in adults
• Depressed or Irritable mood in children and adolescents
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities

Yes, you read that correctly.  Depressed mood does NOT have to be present in order for a diagnosis of depression to be accurate, which is why so many cases of depression are misdiagnosed by professionals and misunderstood by friends and family.  Depressed mood is only one symptom of depression and may not be the primary symptom for individuals.

Children and adolescents more often show irritable mood as their primary symptom rather than depressed mood, which is often interpreted as “typical teenage attitude” or behavioral problems.  A teenager with depression may be isolating and crying a lot, but she also may be having difficulties with anger and trouble maintaining relationships.  Parents, teachers, and doctors may attribute these behaviors to bad behavior, learning disabilities, ADD, or personality.  When we see a change in mood or behavior that seems to be lasting for several weeks and is out of character for the teen, we need to look more deeply for a reason for the change other than typical teenage issues.

"It’s like…like feeling as if I’m a second class citizen... like I’m not privy to certain emotions just because I’m not as sad as some other people.”  Natalie (age 18)
 

​Elderly people more often show loss of interest or pleasure in activities and are the group most often misdiagnosed for depression.  Elderly people tend to isolate themselves and may not be telling other people about their mood.  Additionally, as elderly people are becoming less mobile and may be losing friends, loss of interest or pleasure in activities increases. 

Many times the answer to the question, “Do you feel depressed?” is no because even the person experiencing the issues does not understand that depression is more than feeling sad.  If a person’s predominate mood is irritable or loss of pleasure, he or she may not think of being depressed. 

If you feel out of sorts and cannot seem to figure out what is happening with you, it may be worth talking to a counselor about your symptoms to determine if you may be struggling with depression.
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If you know someone who might depressed, encourage him or her to talk about the symptoms and seek counseling.  Friends and family can be a great source of support and encouragement-especially when we fully understand the symptoms.  Parents and teachers can watch for changes in behavior in children and adolescents and seek deeper explanations for changes in mood and behavior when those changes seem to be out of character for the child or teen or when the changes seem to lasting longer than expected for a typical adjustment. 

Additional symptoms of depression are:

• Weight loss or gain or change in appetite
• Insomnia or hypersomnia
• Feeling restless or slowed down
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Feeling worthlessness
• Excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Difficulty concentrating
• Indecisiveness
• Suicidal thoughts

 
Depression is treatable and you can feel better.  If you or someone you love needs to talk to a counselor, Dr. Christine Belaire works with adults, adolescents, and children dealing with depression.  Get more information or schedule an appointment on our website www.BelaireCounseling.com.

Christine Belaire, Ph.D, LPC, LMFT, NCC